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2008/07/29 12:48 - remembering Stanley (kubrick)

The above picture made the hairs on my arms stand up when i first saw it yesterday.

Its a portrait of the late Stanley Kubrick by his widower, Christine.

It was painted shortly after the filmaker's death.

isnt it obvious?

Life partners and one always goes without and before the other.
And I guess, for me, this picture shows Stanley waiting for his wife on the other side. the pond is literally, Styx like.

I was immesnley moved by this as I sat looking at it yesterday, drinking a Fanta in the Hayes Cardiff coffee bar.

It summed up true relationships for me, the one on one of our western convention. How a man and women together by stars and choice are closer to each other than even their children because tis a choice, not genetics.
this picture breaks me up, man.

Breaks me up.

Thats my current life partner, above, Tweebs.

She sleeps stretched out beside me every night, sometimes within the curl of my arm. occasionally I use her as a pillow, but my head is awful heavy so that position doesnt last long.

She always smells good. But she wakes me occasionally by licking my face when i sleep. I have no talent for sleep, so thats annoying.

Im nearing the end of the buckley book.
Ive been using his tourgraphy as a timeline and when I looked at 96, it hit me hard. All of a sudden his activities stop. Cos the fucker died.

was suprised at how upset I was, but I guess if youre writing about someones life, then its a good sign to grieve their death as it emans you're involved.

I need another book project now, so I can leave cardiff for spain.
I am ready, psychologically to movem right now.

i have no family, no commitments.

I want to live by the sea.

Im sometimes tempted to walk away from my books, clothes, records and debts.

Could I do it?


the enws section of my site is late in being updated. We're playign two isntores 0 Julian, Edward, Charlotte, matthew and I.

Rought rade Covent garden on the 3rd of September and Spilelrs cardiff sometime round then, to amrk the release of our single.

Im not sure if the chapter show is booked or what...

Oh! My sholelace is undone..

and Im barefoot.


SADIE one..won..the competition.

The answerr was....Sammy davis Jnr!

of course..

2008/07/18 13:32 - The compass says Spain

I just returned from Spain and Portugal...

It was amazing and wonderous and has opened an Index of possibilities.

Alas I have very little time to write right now.

I am fighting a deadline for ther Book I've been writing for Plexus...It needs to be in 2nd week of August. Its almost all consuming from now on.

And tonight I start recording my BBC Wales radio show..' A night in the life'.. First Stop is some Standing stones in Monmouthshire with a chap called Martin J Powell.

But i wanted you to know that...well... basically...I have Joined a band!

ha ha! Crazy eh??


As i say, I have liyttle time now..

but Ive been at a loss musically since Jack Disbanded in November 2002.

If B.Ballads had been more succesful, the plan was to use that band to tou and record a follow up.

but i wasnt succesful enough.

Its hard to do much with a band if you can't pay them unless you're all in it together...

And I dont have the chops to do a completely solo thing, with like Juts a guitar or Piano...

its boring to me too...

but after playing live qwith these wonderful guys last weekend in Braga..It hit me...

These guys are perfect!

We can cover a wealth of material, covering saxaphone to samples to anything in between...Pete, the drummer is shit hot (AND looks like Steve jansen to boot)!

They're top people...

And since 2002 I wanted to form a purely instrumental band...

Our project won't be that...it will be 50/50 instrumental and me singing...I reckon...and I'll also be playing some instruments.

I don't want to be 'The singer' as such...

The possibilities and potential are all there...

I can't remember the last time I was so excited, musically.

well..prob recording BB...

I want to move to Spain to commit fully to this.

Anyone have any experence of this?

Do I have to fill out forms and the like?

I'm gonna have to find a way of getting a lump of money together to facilitate the move..and I guess I'll need some kind of Job over there...

But if the heat is willing...

Coming back to cardiff after the wonderful heat and openess of Spain...bah humbug.

I should be swimming in the sea every week for the rest of my life. Why the fuck not?

The chapter gig with Charlotte is now...Sunday 26th october I think.

Stay tuned and send money.

If one does a 'charity gig' for oneself...is that just a regular gig?

2008/06/28 22:06 - Me and Herzog

I'm going through one of my periodic fat elvis phases.

Ive had a friend stay who is good at cooking and rather than my usual diet of ebans from a can, kettle chips and ice cream Ive been eating like a person and as a consequence am really fat.

I dont look that fat in this photo but i feel massive, almost no - joke fat.

I guess I'll slim down by the time of the Portugal gig.

Some random new ideas -

A remote control for remote controls.

A sandwhich sandwhich.

Tiny kilts for wearing under regular kilts.

Our live show is POSTPONED not cancelled.

we're also looking into a recod shop basement tour!

Charlotte grieg does a reading at Cardiff Waterstone's on July 3.

Go see.

Its summer here and it feels like it.

'I wanna sex you up' from passing cars.

Swallows going mad in the dusk sky.
(Did you know they eat Flying spiders)???

I Love Werner herzog.

im 3.4 hrough 'Little dieter needs to fly'.

This filmaker inspres me, makes me feel brave.

Thanks Werner.

Everyone reading this whow ants to see some Werner check out my fave site -

(when will I find Warhol's early 80's manhattan cable only show from 81/82!!!!)

I just fed seagulls faircakes.

if only other things made me so happy so easily.

2008/06/28 18:48 - random

I look svelte in this pic but actually I'm massive fat at the moment. Im fat elvis.

I ahd a friend stay who cooks good and now I'm fat.

All my clothes dont fit.

Sometimes, when fat, I'd go 'Pretend you were 300 pounds and now you're down to this'

but theres no getting round it.

i'm a fat fucker.

My computer is running slow because I've recently downloaded 146 hours of ANdy Kaufman footage,
so I cant seem to upload any more pics...

Maybe they're too fat.

yesterday was grim.

After weeks off of Spirits I felt great so I had Rum.

When I awoke it was like a cube knife was stuck in my Liver, all day.

I've bought myself a teapot and am trying tog et into tea.

Like Kevin Rowland.

I'm singing in Portugal soon, I think.

gotta get well.

I like having travelled.

i dont like actually travelling.

but I like digesting the experience afterward.

Our chapter show is postponed and much momentum seems lost.

theres talk of a reord store tour.

That could be fun.

A chap, Nicky saunders, from one of my favourite groups for 3 months died.

Earl brutus.

Loved em in the mid 90's

one the best live, scary groups ever.

And now.

two new ideas for inventions -

A remote control for remote control's and a bread sandwhich.

The Buckley book is coming good.

Im not corny about death but it does truly seem a tragic fucking loss.

Time for tea.

Tea for one da da da no bun..

2008/06/18 08:42 - Yolk of Eno

By Golly, I am enjoying David Sheppard’s Brian Eno Biography.

I’m eating it up. Its occasionally flowery – the writing – but I can barely put it down.

My first Brian Eno album was a ‘two albums for the price of one’ on cassette. Remember those? An album on each side. ‘Before and after Science’ and ‘here come the warm jets’. I got it in...1986(?) at the long gone second hand record shop on Broadway in Cardiff. I can still recall how colourful and playful and fruity those musics sounded the first time I hear them…I was so shocked and delighted.

A few months later I failed all my ‘O level’ exams (Bar One). I had put very little effort into these (yet I even came up with an elaborate method of Cheating on my History exam –and I STILL got an ‘E’ Grade)! But I was still weirded out by the results, kind of spooked. When I got home I remember vividly sitting on my bed and opening the tape inlay cover to this budget Eno album(s) and thinking ‘I guess I really am going to have to do stuff like this then’. I drew a self portrait on a blank bit of the inlay. And here I am.

An esoteric minor footnote in the unwritten history of!

I read ‘swollen appendices’ when it came out and re read it about 4 years ago. This is Brian’s Diary from 1993 I think. I thought the book depressing, oddly. As if he were trapped and constantly engaged in a struggle to escape what seemed like an infinitely convenient and comfortable lifestyle. (Life, even).

When I started making records it was chic for people to suggest Eno as producer. I always said that the only way I would work with Eno was if I could produce him.
I’d still like to.
His last solo album was also strangely depressing for me...but I couldn't put a digit on why.

Sheppard’s’ book is a treat though and it reminds me of my dormant Walker brothers book in many places, particularly the abundant footnotes.

Reading a book now, one can supplement the experience wonderfully by downloading relevant interviews and video and the like. Its nerd’s heaven is the Internet.

Raining now, Seagulls flying off with heavy bread I’ve thrown. Awake since dawn with heavy hayfever.

More frank than Blank, though.

2008/05/27 11:41 - 

Life is a bullring
Current mood: okay
Category: Life

Gosh, I've been so busy of late. Good busy, bad busy, but busy. There is a calm now that leaves me uneasy. I've had to kill off one of my lives and it's phantom prescence is felt. But ...but...but...

yesterday I visited a possible venue with the wonderfula nd wise Charlotte greig. We're gonna do a show to ...accompany our 7" single. So we checkd out one of the theatres at Cardiff Chapter Arts centre. Nice. i felt comfortabe there.

I'm not happy not playing live. It bugs me and because it does tis means I must want to do it on some level. I haven't played live in the UK for 6 years.

The last time I did was with my old band Jack. I had a nice set up there. A brilliant group of people I got on with and respected who were also great sympathetic musicians. I could get loaded and do my thing and it would be impressive and righteous. occasionally terrible but smetimes brilliant. This is a wonderful luxury for a singer predisposed to the bottle and snuffbox. Elvis. nick Cave. May others...

...but this is gone now. Ive finally accepted that. So I've got to find a new way into it that doesn't rely on such crutches.

tentative steps.

I might buy a new guitar today. As incentive.

I've written nowt this last year. Mummified. But I'm not happy with this.


A bath and off to cash converters.

The concert should be August 2nd.

Off I go, already dreading the bank holiday monday...its shadow cast upon this sunny saturday...

2008/04/22 20:26 - So Long, Sean...

I got back from Rome last night.

Checked my E-mails this morning. Chris Roberts had forwarded me the 'Uncut' newsletter.

It mentioned that Sean Body, my first book publisher, of Helter Skelter books died last Thursday.

Although Sean was diagnosed with leukaemia in early 2005, because he'd been fighting so hard and long I assumed he would beat it. In fact I knew he would.

My finished manuscript for The Walker book was delivered the week before Sean was diagnosed.

A publication date was finally re-set as Sean bounced back. We were mailing each other earlier this year regarding titles.

I never saw Sean when he was ill. I last stayed with him at his then new flat in Clapham in 2004. he was busy, I was busy. Our paths didn't cross much but we managed a night in the pub. I read his books. Looked through his records. So i can't imagine how it was that the strong, vibrant man I knew would finally slip away.

I remember meeting him for the first time vividly. I'd bugged him with various calls about a book. He was busy closing down the wonderful, wonderful Helter Skelter bookshop in Denmark st. (id spent hours and hours there as a londoner).
Now...in 2003? Sat near the river. he was articulate, aware and awake. I was so used to sleepwalkers that it was enough that he wasn't one for me to warm to him.

We sat outside. I smoked. We drank coffee. ...he didn't want to do a Walker book. ...he didn't know much abut them. We discussed other possibilities but this was the only one I knew I could really write.

We had reached an impasse..so we took a detour. talked about what else I did. I mentioned some records I'd made.

His face lit up.

It turned out he was a big fan of the second Jack album, the 'Jazz age'.

After this connection was made, Sean seemed happy enough for me to write about anything, including The Walker brothers. I was suprised by this but endeared too.

The writing of the book - I did a damn good job i think and the proofs are sat behind me - cortesey of the heroic Graeme Milton, art director - who kept HS running these last few years...Graeme and I had many an intense conversation. Soemtime as I walked our horse down winding roads and here in this cardiff flat...this is indicitive of how long and hard Sean fought and for how long Graeme stubbornly kept faith and the actual office ticking over.

Sean and I had dialogues bordering on mild arguments, about the book in its progressive states and my occasional over enthusiastic text of a Sunday morning. But he was fair enough in terms of timing and advancs and the like. he was an experienced editor and I knew nothing of writing a book until I'd done it. Such to and fro's are natrual and needed.

Sometimes he puzzled me, as when we discussed a book tour to launch the biography's release.

'maybe you could take a guitar with you' he asked innocently. 'Oh, I dunno, Sean...I think i'd rather keep my songs and he book in different departments'...'No, no, I mean you could do Walker songs'...

But again i thought such a daft (to me) idea ultimately endearing.

Below is a photo of one of our last meetings, near Victoria. ...he cycled everywhere. He was super fit. I was in a constant condition of hangover or drunkardness when we met....

And now he's gone.

If I reply to his last e-mail regarding the title of the book, where will it go?

if I call his Mobile number...

I look outside now, at this lush opaque air, the tinkling of the windchime, the dogs barking in the distant dusk..and while I know Sean is gone, I' am more sure than ever that I am here.

2008/04/08 21:24 - Jens Lekman

...am still writing up my ...magical...account of Spain. And to a lesser degree, London...

It'll appear soon in 'writings'. There are some pics on the myspace thing...

Meanwhile, I urge you all to Buy everything Jens Lekman has ever sold.

...he is utterly rocking my galaxy right now.

2008/04/08 21:24 - Re-cur-ring
TV is back, here in this house.
Via cable. Satellite. Whatever it is. It was off for a few months but...
'minder'is on at 8 every day and this is surely the most perfect programme ever made. And more reliable than any drink or drug too...I ALWAYS feel uplifted at the end of it. And no, I won't buy 'em on DVD because it's not the same as watching em on TV..it's like the vinyl versus CD argument..people miss the point..(And in case you missed my point on this back in the 'memo from...' days; the difference between vinyl and cd is commitement. You put a CD on knowing you can walk away for over an hour. With a vinyl you are alert, primed, aware...it's a much much less casual listening experience)...and with TV. I hate the isolation of watching a DVD or video ..as opposed to the fact..the knowledge..that living rooms all over Britain and beyond are lit up with the same episode of 'Minder' or 'Angel' as I am..these are my brethren..my comrades..My amour...My invisible allies..

Worked all day recording a song I wrote in 1990; 'Big night' said by some to be the best I've written..and yet i never did record it..dunno why..
I like being in my gloomy studio and coming out to bright sunlight. Like a cinema on saturday morning experience..

Received the mastered 'neu york'. And am happy.
It's better than i expected, as a whole...i feel far away from it's conception, it being drawn from different memories but..yeah..it's got some..hiroshima shadows..in terms of nailing down my moments..
italy has come to the fore in terms of reynolds and Roussel although Franck has gone Awol..again..briefly..
this would be perfect for this project. Totally euro in it's conception and blood.
'British Ballads' is british and we'll start to take that around again this month, whith a new tracklisting.
Vashti Bunyan may pass it on to michael ex-'younG God's'..who is American but..what does 'American' mean?
Speaking of which; browsing in a Shrewbury Waterstones I came across a new Bill Hicks book; A collection of letters, routines and lyrics etc..
Wonderul..wonderful..and ..totally unexpected find..As i was flicking through it, a lady came up and asked if I was buying it. I took the defensive but..no..she gave me a '2 quid off' voucher..
And it's true. I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers.

2008/04/08 21:24 - 
Throwing letters into the fire and hoping ..sorry..musn't use that word..
Kicking footballs into a white sky and Einstein says thay should come back down somewhere, with or without snow. On.
I mean i'm waiting..waiting..
I have 8 projects in limbo and it's getting silly.
Of late it seems that how people make a living..a good living..is a magic trick I've forgotten.
How i have made it from leaving home at 16 to here is remarkable. How is it done? I look back and nothing is clear..it's like the flight of a bumblebee...the scientists say it shouldn't fly but it does. Seen through a vaselined lens.
Screws are tightening, air thinning.
Can self pity be a motivation? Why aren't we all tramps?
A nation of hedge campers and trainee scarecrows..

Let's look for light..
Have struck up a correspondence of sorts with the writer colin Wilson.
I read Colin's 'mysteries' when i was fifteen. I can remember vividly coming to it and taking it from the shelf in the library at St iltyds. it had ,,,it rang a bell in me at that age..that has never stopped reverberating. i went on to read..let's see..'Adrift in Soho'..(I can remember buying that too,in a rare non waterstones-pre-borders commercial bookshop off of Regent street in the fall of 1993)..'Sex diary of a metaphysician',,(A great pic Colin the young Dude on the cover..actually..this is the book I'm holding in my portrait on the 'White Jazz' cover..)
I could go on but billy is fucking me off..
The cats are driving me nuts these days..sleeping on my head at night..me waking up suffocated..pawing my face to be fed at dawn..climbing on this keyboard as I type..drooling into the keys..Sweep, the old lady cat, wiping her shitty feet on the travel section of the sunday times by her litter tray and then pounding the pillow..My eyes are hrting of late and it could be because of this..
Colin Wilson. I've re-discovered him through 'poetry and Mysticism'..and there's a plan for me to visit him in March. I'll interview him and record him..possibly for a track on 'B.Ballads'..
In the meantime i wait for an answer RE my project with franck..a book synopsis I have with a silent publisher..the artwork for 'neu york' which is taking almost as long as it's recording..and one of three proposed shows in PAris, London and new york.
I guess any commitment to Art is a dual one-to the possibility of poverty also. How old fashioned is that? Jeff koons had it right but then i am paraylsed by any motivation that is purely financial.
It's 7-30am and there's a violet light falling on the thin snow across the fields opposite. trees are made of iron and crows are freefalling and fighting through their ribcages.
Sister i'm a poet..

2008/04/08 21:24 - Spain
Bombs in Madrid. Don't know why but this particular atrocity brought up a great gulping sob in me...a kind of wave of grief that's absent from most horror stories I hear and see on the news.
I found myself watching the footage of the wounded and dead and looking for someone I knew.#
It's a fact that I've lost contact/fallen out with every Spanish friend, colleague and Lover that i've ever had, but something about that country is alive in me still.
I don't justify or explain my naievete regarding world affairs and the like but this...brought something up. Made me realise that I feel more for Spain and my wonderful and terrible times there than I knew.

2008/04/08 21:24 - A day in the..
Life goes on, within and without......
listening to 'Little britain' on The radio at dusk...(http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/tv/littlebritain/index.shtml)
overeating pasta
....falling asleep to John Howard's 'Kid in a big world' LP


via the beautiful Cavalier portable 1950's record player beside my bed..reading the collected poems of Ted Hughes..
watching the wonderful 'breakfast with hunter' DVD...http://www.breakfastwithhunter.com
Anxious about my trip to interview/record Colin Wilson this weekend..http://www.colinwilson2003.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
Anxious about trains and travel..anxious about staying with 'strangers'...worried about money...I'm drinking too much..too often...very very happy that this allows me to write songs like 'io bevo' with: http://www.hollowblue.com/public/home.html

Fascinated by the air society of birds..the changing geography of my study...
The sound of Spring..

2008/04/08 21:24 - So this is springtime..
My Nan passed on last Saturday Morning, my Dad's mum. I hadn't seen her in almost 20 years but I wrote her a few times a year without reply.
I'll remember her from childhood which is no bad thing; Sunday visits to a house full of dogs and cats, a fantastically stocked biscuit barrel, the best toast I've ever tasted and a wise and sensible streak that's missing from most of my bloodline. She also used to get me 2000AD every week from about the age of 5 onward, till I left home at 15, I think.
It seems odd that I didn't make an effort to see her and I can't think why that was now that's it's too late.
I visited my other nan (who turned 100 years old last feb 4) until very recently, because, I suppose she was within walking distance of my parent's house. She now lives with my Aunt and uncle and I shall probably not see her again.

My visit to Colin Wilson's in Cornwall was good. A full write up and audio excerpts will appear in the 'writings' section that's due here soon. I got into some scrapes but hopefully managed to rise above them.
Colin invited me again so I obviously succesfully internalised most of the aungish I felt at losing lots of money/Wallet/etc immediately on arrival.

Which brings me to alcohol. I suppose it's inevitable that someone who drinks Scotch like others drink wine will begin to feel some ill effects. I've had two blackouts in the past week and am deeply disturbed by them. There's a feeling of violation in having time taken away from you without your consent that I don't find agreeable. So I'm keeping off booze for a week to see how that goes. Colin also told me that since he gave up booze, he lost four stone. So. one day at a time, eh?
Except I will obviously drink (wine) on thursday because the lovely JOHN Howard has been in touch to invite me to his London gig on April the 1st.
I'm thrilled. So this diary is reaching out.
My review of 'kid in a big world' will appear here very soon:


Also came upon this site:


Not seen this before and it's obviously long defunct. I'm now not in touch with anybody from this group despite efforts. I guess it's like splitting up with a girlfriend and trying to remain friends. It's not really the point.

Have been having fun converting old audio tape compilations to CD. How I loved that war of the worlds soundtrack, especially while touring in 1997.
I am also possibly the only person who loves the beach boys when brian Wilson is NOT involved. I found some tracks from..oh I forget...the one with 'ko-korama or whatever it's called.. but this is just a reason to direct you toward:

Which I find deeply funny.
As I did 'Starsky and hutch' the movie.
Ben stiller is BUFF and FUNNY. What a combo.
Indeed, I said buff.

I see Momus has a 'donation' box on his site. Sheesh. Times are tough indeed.

And they were none tougher than for Julian MAclaren-ross.
Colin Wilson was kind enough to give me a rare copy of 'memoirs of the forties' and this took me back to the lovely biography ; fear and loathing in fitzrovia'.
Sadly, I am this man:

So ever Onward driver, to the French House..

2008/04/08 21:24 - 
Why does buying things cheer me so?
Is it something to do with the hunter/gatherer instinct?
Have been feeling wretchedly blue of late. Not that I've ever been able to take my 'moods' seriously. I feel that they are merely accesories to the fact, like gulls in the wake of a trawler.
but soemtimes that are so powerful I have the feeling of being gulliver about to be toppled by hundreds of lilliputlians; A feeling of vertigo, horror and worthlessness.
Such feelings have plagued me like gnats on a camping trip since friday. So I was whisked away to a car boot sale where I found a battered copy of a Ian Drury Biography and a petit pile of Ren and Stimpy comics. £6 all in. And this elated me. I now have the energy to rearrange the whole house in order to accommadate these new purchases.

Why do i feel this to be so sad?

Ach..and Ach again.
It seems the 'Reynolds and Roussel' project is off. Just unsumountable odds and I can't find the strength to pitch it further. Of course it's a shame-almost all written, a wonderful suite of europop but it seems it will only exist in the collective imagination of the few who were ever excited by it.
I hate to give up on anything but may have to get used to it. feel a bit like that old cartoon character in the 2000ad comic where parts of him dissapear over time till there's nothing left..
What am I defined by?
It's not enough for me to burn alone in my dark studio; never has been. Even ol'Sam beckett had to blab and I'm no different.
To this end have had Paris gig fall through. Amercian dates postponed. And the London 'promoter' has engaged me in vague and opiated tango these last two months that has left me somewhere near the cloakroom..ie..No closer than the idea of a London show was first mooted. Indeed it's 'hello silence my old friend' in respect to this particular chap. Who are these people.....what kind of energy is it that you magic up to waste time. Why do so many find it hard to say a simple 'yes' or 'no'?
the internet doesn't help. It allows people to at their worst..ie inconsistent and vague.

To this end I may move back to london on a part time basis this year. More stuff seems to get done when desks are toppled, drainpipes climbed.

Give me strength lord. Just to wait.

Music wise am currently revisiting Nick Drake.Awaiting a compilation of Fall stuff from george. The time is now right. ah!
Can't get my eyes in to any one book. Lacking concentration.
Saw 'shaun of the dead' Good. Like Tv on a big screen but nothing in it resonated which is the point I suppose. Simon pegg is enormously likeable.

Now I'm gonna watch a new (rare) Miles Davis Documentary; 'Miles to go' and drink either rum or red wine. Probably the latter.
Working on my first 'political' song too; 'Bombs in Spain'.
Must finish it for the gig there on June 24.

We can never be safe.

But it is Sunday.

2008/04/08 21:24 - Someday a rain is gonna come...
Where to begin with these pictures from the Iraq prisons.
The pics of Allied ‘abuse’.
Aesthetically, they remind me of oil paintings, 19th Century depictions of Hell.
This is in part due to the low quality of the photos. Until relatively recently one had to take some kind of trouble to produce a half decent image…and carrying a camera around was another thing altogether..
But nowadays these hicks have cameras hanging off the Gucci rubber rings that pierce their labia/cock. So we get to see it all..
Moments that once remained private n personal, that were the building blocks toward personal mythology and reflection are now seen utterly as immediately second hand. as refrences for others….
And the arrangements of these ..People.ie the prisoners. Where…Did I miss a meeting? I mean, why pyramids and shit? (Literally).
Where is this weird S&M vibe coming from..
One of the ‘guards’ claimed that ‘I was given no orders. I didn’t know what to do..’ So. What? You arranged people into a flesh pyramid/made them blow each other/jerk off? ‘I hadn’t had the opportunity to read the Geneva Convention…. so, uh, I set dogs onto naked chained Sons…you know. I had a few hours to kill so’…etc etc
Private Englannd, (SiC) isn’t it? Oh Boy. The picture of her with her ‘fiancé’ really does it for me. Arms around each other, thumbs aloft. It’s like they’re on a sightseeing tour/honeymoon. Out for a date. Photoshop away the hill of living, sweaty hooded flesh in the foreground and replace the background with Niagara Falls. And I think..What the fuck do these people…. they ARE people, right. What do these people do when they shut their eyes at night? You know, after a hard day at the office?
What do they see, how do they feel? Well. Turns out this particular couple ‘got it on’. This baby faced pixie and her gurning hubby brought a little baby into being around the time these pics were taken. ‘Oh baby..Did you heart heway that prisoner sobbed and gagged as he blew his comrade? God. It made me so hot.’ etc
I mean. All I can think. My only conclusion is that there is a cosmic shortage of souls and too many bodies walking around…

Though I don’t find this depressing. I’m disgusted and upset but vindicated. I knew this is why the average Joe joined the army. I believe that ‘you put two people in a room with no legal consequences, one person having utter power over the other. The result will be abuse..’
This is why I’m anti social. I cannot relate to the society I live in.

2008/04/08 21:24 - Daylight turns to delight
I'm in Love with half a record:
'Gil evan's 'The individualisim of'.
oh my lord.
The first side of this is as great and as moving as anything I've ever heard;
'The Barbara Sory' and 'Las Vegas tango'......if you want to hearwhat i sound like inside, listen to these.
And it's interesting. Some of my favourite miles Davis albums are, like everyone elses, 'Sketches of Spain' and 'Porgy and Bess' and now, listening to Gil's 'solo'stuff, read. without Miles..they are..well.. I don't miss Miles..really..
And I havea small book on Gil..and..in an interview,from the early 80's..he speaks of not getting any money from those Miles albums..
'cos he was paid an arranger's fee, you know..a one off, obviously..and in 1982, GilEvan's was getting housing benefit..
And this is how the world works..This is how the world arrsanges it's brass..

What else have I been reading...
10 minutes ago I finished the David Essex Autobiography..

I Love a lot of this guy's music..'If I could' is something I always initiate new girlfriend's with..(Been a while, obviously)...but his book is a wasted oppertunity. Nice guys write white, perhaps.

Although it went on too long, enjoyed to the point of exclusion of everything else in reading;

Maybe I should make moves toward holywood. I love the honesty of it's bullshit.
Perhaps like Bob Evans I'll comission some bumper stickers:
he he..

Have had an offer for my album with Colin Wilson-who has been serialised in UK papers-his autobiography that is-http://books.fantasticfiction.co.uk/x1/x5535.htm?authorid=3156

It will be a challenge to make a spoken album that is listenable. Rarely done.
No hip hop beats here. More Stockhausen and Satie behind and with Colin's Burtonesque tones, methink.
If I can agree terms with the label.

I visited Cardiff via london last week.
I am addicted. To stressful train journey's.
I went up for a meeting about a book I want to do-the meeting went well indeed-and to pick up jolly's,
Oh the calamity. But via a sweaty packed train journey that was free, ia rrived in Cardiff at leonards while it as STILL LIGHT. Kicked the door in at 9-15pm and we glugged and snorted ourselves through an African tribal night at the Toucan club and beyond Club X where i celebrated the dawn spinning a Wheelchair bound lesbian around the danceflore, all the while sweating like Brando in a broken elevator.
Cardiff is growing on me. At last.
As yevtushenko said; 'Uou must hate your hometown before you learn to love it and you must love your home before you can love the world'.

Our horse is not right and this house is in a state of grief. Eurydice is now un ridable and this is throwing up wrongness and pain in the extreme; yous ee, we may have to sell her.
We attempt, not totally sucesfully, to douse our sorrows in my favourite wine ever:

hey; it's 22.24 and still light. Although the birds are gone quiet.

I was young once, and very ill.
i felt as though I were laying on Glass and my feet were teloscopic and 49 ft long.
I had this song, by a group called H20 in my head like a loop;
'I sleep to dream, I dream to sleep.
And that's where I'm off now.

To Mexico.

2008/04/08 21:24 - 
'Dreaming to some purpose' is a wonderful book-An autobiography-by Colin Wilson. It's out now and you should buy it. Among the most unique I've ever read and for some reason that I can't define exactly, strangely uplifting. Colin reminds me of me in some respects, especially in regard to the working class wasteland he dreamed himself out of. He also reminds me of a line I wrote in a song long ago-"Misunderstood until proven guilty".

Regular readers of this (are there any)?-will know that I spent some time with Mr Wilson last March. I have been working on typing up an account of that stay, for the 'writings' section of this wonderful site. Un-fucking-fortunately, I did a fair bit-transcribing from the tapes I made during my stay-and have since lost the fucking Disc I saved it on. So I am gonna have to haul myself up by the ol' mental bootstraps and re-do it. I hate going over old ground but it will be worth it in this case.
In the meantime there is a teaser in the MP3 section relating to that site and here are some photos what I took.

What else..'Dry your eyes mate', if that's what it's called, by 'The Streets' is trundling around me noggin like all great singles should...what a bleedin' corker this is. This guy is a great singer. Matthew played me the first album through a haze of pot smoke and Cockey teethgrinding while we were in Athens and although the guy struck me as a true poet, I was still too close to the horrors of Hackney to get past the music. But 'Dry..' is a beauty.

I'll be singing in Spain soon-this coming thursday. It's a part of Spain I have ne'r been before and I so, so love going to strange places.
but figure; Me, Julian and Fiona will have to get up on Thurs morn to be in Finchley for the 4-30am to fucking Standstead (How big is london anyway)-and we will be doing yer actual gig at 10 thsat night. No wonder I'm always fucking fucked on stage. but because of the delicate nature of this show-it's acoustic, sort of and a half of it is reliant on me and my guitar..I've gotta keep it together or else whats the fucking point, you know? here's the set list?

What do you fucking think?





Call me bruce fucking springsteen. That long enuff for ya?

What else...
if I didn't have chronic fucking hayfever that wakes ne up on the dot at 4am every day, feeling like there's a fucking hornets nest exploding in my fucking throat, I wouldn't know this sorry state of sullen slate grey shit is supposed to be fucking summertime..
Anyone know what keeps the cunting earth spinning and all that nasty cold space out?
Yeh..what else..'Smokescreen' by Robert saabag is a bloody good fucking read..I've long thought about turning to this kind of work if all else fails..y'know? Go out blazing with a runny nose.
Better to be a king for a nite than a fucking benny bum for a life, as mr pupkin said.
And that fucking fucker knew what he was cunting on about! the cunt.

Saw Carlito's way again and loved it much more this time round..Sean penn is in fucking credible..

I like cigars. Big huge ones. Please send me some.

So. Buy Colin's book. Eat ya dinner and giveme a cuban.

What more is there?

2008/04/08 21:24 - 
I've been back from Italy for....Justover a week now and She still clings to me.
the aura of meetings with a saint, a beard of bees upon an old man's face, lipstick over the scar on my stomach.
read all about it in the 'writings' section of this site.
Thanks to all the kindness shown on my recent travels. They have been some of the most precious yet.
Back at the farm I am re-reading John Fante's entire works, listening to Mario lanzas Arias and eating Gnocci and glugging chianti.

But raymond Carver is circling the outer ridge and I'm tentaviley writing again. A song called 'carasouel' based on a half heard radio from a workman's site.

Now. get over to 'writings' will you:

Oh sorry.

there isn't such a section yet.

but soon..

in the meantime, visit:


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